im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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