I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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