I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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