went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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