We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
