I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
