I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
