you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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