CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
