im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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