so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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