What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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