You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
