I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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