Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
