im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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