Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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