so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
