We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
