Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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