Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
