yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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