I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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