dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
