But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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