At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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