Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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