I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
