I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
