Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
