he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
