The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
