just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
