i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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