You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
