I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
