why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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