I want to walk on stilts...naked
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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