cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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