Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
