I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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