i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
