He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
