I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
