I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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