she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
