i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
