I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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