Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nicole vs. Life
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
