Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
