things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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