Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
