just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
