worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
