Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
