If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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