pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Less talking, more tequila
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
