Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
