did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize