and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
