Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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