We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
