Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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