I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
