i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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