We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
