So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
