Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you never un-have a 4some
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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