Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
