im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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