yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
