I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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