Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it was like eating out sand paper
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
