how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
