Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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