good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
