just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize