I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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