hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
