I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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