i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
