I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
