Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
