So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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