my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
