The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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